My spiritual journey began when I was 22 after I was seriously injured in a car accident. With three years of recovery and physical therapy I had plenty of time to wax philosophical.
A lot of soul searching and reading went on during those three years. I read the Old Testament, the New Testament, The Quran. I meditated with the Eastern Philosophies of Zen and Tao. I studied the works of Freud and Jung, of Bandler and Grindler (father's of NLP). I even ordered a tape program off of a late night infomercial from one of NLP's most famous student's/practioner's - Anthony Robbins.
I read about past lives, behaviourism and Conversations With God. By the time I turned 30 I thought my belief system was in place. I was accepting of myself and accepting of other's beliefs. If something did not make sense to me I didn't call it wrong, I simply did not incorporate it in my personal ideological set.
Then, three months ago, I re-discovered Tarot. I say re-discovered because I had bought my first deck when I was 26 or 27. I wanted to impress a girl and so bought The Merlin Tarot because of my fascination with the Druid Mage. I really didn't study the deck as much as I played at it. With the re-emergence of Tarot in my life my inuition, or psychic abilities have been pushing against my conscious mind.
A few weeks ago the subject of spirit guides entered my thought stream. At first I thought, "I don't have a spirit guide." As the days went by that little kernel of thought jiffy-popped to, "Hmmm ... I wonder who they are?"
I started searching the AT forums for a spirit guide spread. I found one but did not try it because I told myself I needed to finish my card by card deck study so I wouldn't be rote reliant on the LWB.
Yesterday something told me to throw the Spirit Guide spread. Even though I was exhausted from work and just wanted to collapse on the couch and decompress before bed, I was compelled to through this spread.
I threw the following cards:
1. Representing the spirit - Who are they? - Ace of Swords
2. Why are they with me right now? - Page of Swords (Rx)
3. What do they want me to know? - The Lovers (Rx)
4. How can I help them?/What actions can I take? - Ten of Pentacles (Rx)
5. Summary of reading - Four of Cups (Rx)
I sat there dumbfounded at what I was looking at. My brain would not engage. "What does this mean," I urged internally. A psychic shrug was the response. I pushed on. Here's what I got:
This reading is a warning to me. The fact the every spot except the one that describes my guide came up reversed is a giant neon sign to me. My spirit guide, a little blonde haired boy I call Timmy, always tells the truth and can cut through the bullshit (Ace of Swords & Page of Swords).
He is around me to let me know I need to let go of the past. Past loves (The Lovers), past business and monetary failures (Ten of Pentacles). I must let myself heal from my previous marriage and not let one woman's (harlot's?) action taint me from the love I deserve. I can not let the grass grow long between my toes. (Four of Cups). I need not to become complacent and comfortable with my situation but continue to always to look for growth. In this case, the growth is in my intimate relationships.
This makes sense to me. The only card that I have no clue how to interpret is the 10 of Pentacles (Rx). In the spread position, how can I help?, I could interpret it as work harder to save money, but I can't see how that would help my growth in personal relationships.
I know this spread is about me and the pain I still hold because of my ex-wife's deceit and betrayal. I can not see how to fold the Ten of Pentacles (Earth Card) into that definition.
Any help you can give me would be much appreciated.